The Real Guardian of the Hunt
by Heir Of Erebus And Nyx
Summary: Guardian of the Hunt stories are really cliche. This takes all of the cliches and makes a freaking one-shot of absolute stupidity that makes no sense at all. A very random idea, story just for shits and giggles.


**The Real Guardian of the Hunt**

 **AN: What really happens in such a story. Cliché overload. But with a much more plausible ending.**

A blonde haired girl was sitting on the beach, her head leaning against the neck of a raven-haired boy. Both were staring at the waves, before Annabeth spoke up.

"Percy, we need to break up." Said boy just started to cry and try to drown.

Percy cried so hard and for so long, he somehow made a small river and flowed to the ocean, still in tears.

The son of Poseidon found himself somehow staring at his father, Triton and Amphitrite in the throne room of Atlantis.

"What happened, son?" Asked the Lord of the Seas, seeing his son cry. Percy just looked up for a second.

"Annabeth broke up with me."

The demigod then began crying again and swam in the castle, finding a room for a prince, even though he was just a bastard in reality.

Then the Queen of Atlantis got in the room and started hugging Percy, whispering smoothing words.

"I love you like a son, Percy, I just do not care my husband fucked some mortal woman for months, cheating on me. That does not matter to me at all. You are my favorite, more than Triton."

 **Line Break**

Percy cried for a week, getting power from the tears, so he did not have to sleep. He even tried to kill himself several times, but the water just healed him.

Seeing his son be an actual vagina, Poseidon flashed to Olympus. There were Artemis and Zeus arguing in the throne room. But before the King of Atlantis could speak up, Percy barged in the Throne Room.

"Lord Zeus, kill me now." The King of Olympus brushed his fingers on his Master Bolt before responding.

"Why, my favorite nephew?" Percy just started to cry. Again.

"Annabeth broke up with me and I have nothing to live for." Zeus thought for a few seconds, before answering.

"Half of Artemis' hunt died, so you will guard them. Do you swear by the Styx?"

Percy just looked at Artemis's silver eyes and he knew she did not want him to be there. But he also saw how beautiful she looked when she was angry and he knew she was his true love. Nico had told him that he was the reincarnation of Orion, so Artemis would love him as well. So he bowed and started to speak.

"I swear by Chaos and Order to forever defend Artemis and the Hunt."

As the son of Poseidon said these words, a pitch black and a purely white light came in the different corners of the room. Two completely identical men stepped on Olympus, though one was in a completely black suit and the other in a blinding white one. The man in the darker color's voice boomed over the throne room.

"Percy, do you know you have three biological fathers?"

Said son of now three different beings was gaping like a fish out of water. The one who explained was the one in white.

"Percy, I, Order, and my brother Chaos were jerking ourselves together to each other, and the sperm fell on top of Poseidon doing it with Sally Jackson."

Percy ran out to his new fathers and hugged them both.

"I always wanted to have more fathers!"

Poseidon was just staring at both Chaos and Order dreamily, probably thinking about doing a threesome between the three fathers of Perseus Jackson.

The next person that went in the Throne Room was Hades, Percy's favorite uncle.

"Percy, because you are the best nephew, I will resurrect you two people." Of course the Laws of the Dead meant nothing to Percy Jackson, he was too awesome for them.

"I want Zoe and Bianca, because I am going with the Hunters." Hades just flicked his wrist and two shadows solidified, showing Zoe and Bianca, now fully alive.

Percy then tried to get Artemis to teleport him to the Hunters, but she just slapped him.

The weird son of three homosexuals and one mother then just teleported himself to the Hunt, since he was too cool to walk.

Half of the girls with silver parkas shot at him, but Percy just waved his hand and they died.

Artemis, Zoe, Bianca and Thalia were on their knees, begging to bring them back.

Percy decided to IM his Uncle Hades, before they were judged.

"Uncle Hades, I killed ten hunters, but I don't want them to be dead." Hades just nodded like it was an actually rather often occurrence, so said hunters started breathing again.

 **Line Break**

The Hunters were trying to annoy Percy and managed to actually him a few times, but Charon and Percy were totally BFFS and he never stayed dead. The daemon son of Nyx found seeing his favorite demigod dying so many times really amusing.

The Hunters had just chopped Percy in many pieces and they thought he would not come back, so they were jamming to Justin Bieber on the training grounds. The problem was, that they had thrown the pieces in the river, so they had connected yet again.

Percy proceeded to yell at the adolescent girls. "I am your Guardian and I have done everything for you, but you killed me for the ninth time! I won't be nice anymore!"

All the Huntresses were on their knees, apologizing. "Don't Percy, we love you like a big brother, but seeing males die is better than Netflix!"

Percy forgave them, he loved Artemis too much. Then he went to speak to her, to confess her feelings.

 **Line Break**

Artemis was shooting arrow, feeding her ego of being the best shooter. Then Percy started hugging and kissing her.

"Artemis, I love you, and Thalia, Zoe, Bianca and Phoebe. I want a harem."

The Goddess of the Moon stood still for a few seconds before drawing her bow and pointing it at the arrogant boy in front of her.

"Die, male!"

 **Line Break**

Percy was in front of Charon for the tenth time, doing his signature handshake with him, where they added five extra movements every time he died. Right now it took a few minutes before they were ready. Charon then looked up for a few seconds, as if listening to something, before ending the handshake. Then the son of Nyx got a pained look.

"Order from the Gods, Percy. You must finally die."

Percy was sad, but he knew his best friend was right and it was time for him to go to Elysium or wherever he should.

The son of three homos was waving at the river Styx. There stood a pale woman with pitch black hair and murky dark green eyes. The Goddess of the river winking at him and blowing him a kiss. That alone made him almost gag, since he had actually been _in_ her.

As Percy saw the lines of Judgment and EZ Death, he thought for a second. He was admittedly a hero, so he should go to Elysium. So he decided to stroll in Judgment.

Two judges were looking at him with their golden masks and steely eyes. The third on the other hand, was flirting with a woman that had died before him. Probably wanting to give her some _special time_ in Asphodel.

"Percy Jackson."

"Son of Sally Jackson, Poseidon, Chaos and Order."

"Demigod of 2 big prophesies, Hero of Olympus."

"Defiler of Artemis."

"Ah hem: Lord Zeus' order 'To be sentenced to the Fields of Punishment, to be tortured for eternity!' That explains it, alright? Just take him." The judge flicked his wrist and two skeletons grabbed him and dragged him to the Fields.

Percy was killed every day by Artemis for the rest of his death.

 **AN: A parody of all clichés from the story, with a much more plausible ending then 'married and 5 kids in 10 years'.**

 **It was a random idea and the story probably sucked, but it was my first one-shot.**

 **If you would prefer a more serious story, I advise you to check my "The Beginning of The New Golden Age" story. It really is my actual baby at the moment and I am spending most of my free time on it. Sadly, I got a summer job, so all I have for free time is 18-24 pm.**


End file.
